Somedays hurt more than others
Somedays I just want to lie in bed a forget about everything. Forget about how lonely I am. Forget about all the memories that are no longer a part of my life. But how can I forget all these memories when I still want to have them.
Somedays I wonder how I can feel so happy and full of hope one day and then the next depression hits me. I miss him everyday, but today I miss him more for some reason. Nothing triggered it. I just miss him. And all I want to do is lie on my bed and dream about the past and make up a new future.
I don’t know what good this does to me. But I do know that somedays the hurt is too much and I can’t make myself do anything else. And those days are okay. Those days are a part of life. Those are the days I need to cry out to God for strength. Those are the days that I learn to truly rest in my Savior’s arms.
Today has been one of those days.
The only thing that is getting me through today is the promises I know God has for me. I came across this letter I wrote to myself from God two years ago, on February 5, 2019. It speaks to my heart today and gives me the strength I need to get up and out of my bed. How did I know two years ago that this letter I wrote would still be speaking to my heart today.
I can see that you are confused. I don’t give you the things you ask for because I have something better for you. You can’t see the whole picture yet. There are some things I am doing that you won’t understand in your life. But you can know that I am always working for your good. My plans are always for you because I love you. One day it will all make sense, but not yet. I know all your heart’s desires and I want to give you more, in my perfect timing you will see.
Your Heavenly Father, God