One, during church we sang a new song about trusting Jesus that I have never heard before. Well, it actually wasn’t a new song, just one that was new to me. The song was called “I Will Trust My Saviour Jesus”. The song had a similar feel to the well known hymn “Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus”, but the lyrics seemed to go a bit deeper. As we sang the song the lyrics spoke to my heart and I saw my own story reflected in the song. The song encouraged me to keep on trusting Jesus through the unknown days ahead of me. However hard the days may be, I know I can trust my Jesus. I’ll attach a video of the song at the bottom of this post so you can listen to the sweet words of the song too 😉
Secondly, I went on a nice long walk today and brought my journal. While I was outside taking in the peaceful views I began writing some things down that were in my head. Of course, since I had heard the song about trusting Jesus earlier, the idea of trusting Jesus was still in my head. Before I knew it I had jotted down a little poem about trusting God.
I have already read this little poem to myself a dozen times and I want to share it. I hope you’ll enjoy it and find it encouraging. I should warn you though that when I write poems, I don’t follow any sort of rhyming rules, I kinda just write what flows and call it a poem. With that said, here it is:
I will trust you God
Even when it's hard
When with all my heart
I wish to go the other way
I will trust you God
Down every path you lead me
Because I know deep in my heart
Yours is the way that's best
I will trust you God
Everyday and for all my life
And if ever someone asks me why
I'll say it's because I love you most
{Poem written by me, 3.7.21}
I rarely get inspired enough to write a poem so I am quite happy with this little creation I just made. Truly, it was my heart speaking as I was writing. This poem is my reminder that I am choosing to trust God not because the road is easy but because He is my heart’s deepest desire and He truly is what I crave the most.
I was thinking of all the possible ways that God could be working things out for me in my situation. I thought about what my heart wanted and the different ways God could restore it all back to me. I thought about the little bit of news that I do know and the little ways in which I do know that God has been working. But for how long I spent thinking about it, I also realized that there really is only one thing I can do. All I can do right now is do nothing.
Let me tell you, doing nothing isn’t easy. Doing nothing is the hardest thing ever. I really want to know what God is up to so I can offer my assistance somehow. I don’t like being in the dark. I hate being in this place of not knowing what God is doing in his life. But I also know that it’s not my place right now to know what God is doing. Nor is it my job to help God as he’s working.
I am confident that God is working. I don’t know how to explain to you all this feeling that I have, I just know that God is working and doing mighty things for me. But with a reluctant heart I have to admit to knowing that if I want God to keep working I need to do nothing. When I do nothing, then I can be fully assured that God is the one working. Doing nothing is the only way to show full dependance on God in my situation.
All the great characters of the Bible, when they were in times of hurt and mistreatment, they did nothing. When I read my Bible I can see how God was working for them. I see the outcome of their struggles, but I also need to remember that they didn’t see the answer. They probably felt a lot like me, in the dark about God’s plans for them. And what did they do? They did nothing so God could work. I imagine it must have been hard for them, as it is hard for me, but they knew it was necessary.
I let out a strangely relieved sigh as I finished my walk. Doing nothing is what God has called me to do right now. Doing nothing may be the hardest task God has ever asked me to do but I know he has given me the strength to do it. Doing nothing is what I am choosing to do right now and somehow that brings a sense of peace to my heart. I choose to do nothing so God can work and get all the glory.
Somedays I just want to lie in bed a forget about everything. Forget about how lonely I am. Forget about all the memories that are no longer a part of my life. But how can I forget all these memories when I still want to have them.
Somedays I wonder how I can feel so happy and full of hope one day and then the next depression hits me. I miss him everyday, but today I miss him more for some reason. Nothing triggered it. I just miss him. And all I want to do is lie on my bed and dream about the past and make up a new future.
I don’t know what good this does to me. But I do know that somedays the hurt is too much and I can’t make myself do anything else. And those days are okay. Those days are a part of life. Those are the days I need to cry out to God for strength. Those are the days that I learn to truly rest in my Savior’s arms.
Today has been one of those days.
The only thing that is getting me through today is the promises I know God has for me. I came across this letter I wrote to myself from God two years ago, on February 5, 2019. It speaks to my heart today and gives me the strength I need to get up and out of my bed. How did I know two years ago that this letter I wrote would still be speaking to my heart today.
My Child,
I can see that you are confused. I don’t give you the things you ask for because I have something better for you. You can’t see the whole picture yet. There are some things I am doing that you won’t understand in your life. But you can know that I am always working for your good. My plans are always for you because I love you. One day it will all make sense, but not yet. I know all your heart’s desires and I want to give you more, in my perfect timing you will see.
Well, I have talked about Abraham, and Job, and David.
All great men of faith whose stories I found out all correlate with mine in some way. And now I want to talk about another Bible character whom I am just now finding out I have another connection with. I have been studying the book of Genesis with my bible study group (I attend an international bible study called BSF) and we are currently reading through the life of Jacob.
Jacob was Abraham’s grandson, the son of Isaac and Rebekah, and a twin to his brother Esau. Jacobs story is a messy story. His family life was full of sin and issues, not much different from families today actually. Isaac favored Esau even through the Lord had said that Jacob, the younger brother, would be the one blessed. One day Isaac had the crazy idea to try and bless Esau instead of Jacob, which led to the crazy story of how Jacob deceived his own father into giving him the blessing.
Long story short, Esau wasn’t happy and Jacob was sent away in order to save his life. Jacob had to face the consequences of his sinful choices. Now he was alone and far from his home. The Bible tells us that Jacob was a home-body and that he loved his mother. Sadly, he was never going to see his mother again. I’ll pause here for a moment to say something. Sin never gives us what we want without devastating consequences. Jacob may have got the blessing, but now he was alone and fleeing for his life. Things would have been different if he trusted in God’s timing.
When we choose sin, at first it may seem okay, but sin will always come back to bite us. It’s almost scary how much my life is like a reflection of what Jacob is dealing with. In a way, I can relate to how Jacob must feel. He is alone, in a new place, and those he loves most are no longer with him. There was sin issues in the relationship I had. Even though it wasn’t my sin, but rather his sin in our relationship, it still resulted in both of us getting hurt. Now I find myself alone, in a new place, and far from the one I love, just like Jacob. In both my case and Jacobs case, it was due to sin issues in the family and relationships.
But now let’s get back to the story for some more encouraging news. While Jacob is alone and traveling to a new place he stops along the way to sleep. He lays his head on a rock and he has a dream. You probably are familiar with what he dreamed. In his dream he saw angels descending and ascending on a ladder and God was at the top of the ladder. God spoke to Jacob in that dream and told him this promise;
“Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”
Genesis 28:15
What an amazing promise this is! Jacob must have felt so encouraged after hearing God say those words. God was basically saying to Jacob that he is still with Jacob in this new place and he has a plan and a purpose for Jacob in this new place. God tells Jacob that he will bring him back to his home again when the time is right. I know that God is speaking the same promise to me in my life too. God is with me in this new place and he has a plan for me still. Even though this isn’t the place I want to be right now, I know that being here is a part of God’s plan for me and that God won’t ever leave me.
I find comfort also in the fact that God told Jacob in his dream that he would one day bring him back to the land he had left. And as we see in Jacobs story, after many years away, he eventually does return home. This is my hope too, that this promise is going to be true for me too and hopefully it won’t take as many years as it did for Jacob. Right now I don’t understand what God is doing in my life or why he took me to this new place, but I do believe that God will once again return me to the joy that I had before, whether it physically means returning to the place I left or finding a new home up here (of course I pray and long for the first option most 😉 ).
So, in conclusion, Jacobs story in Genesis gives me hope and encourages me to keep on persevering. It reminds me that even when I feel alone and am missing those whom I love, God is always with me. This story reminds me that God has a purpose for me while I am in this new place and in his perfect timing and perfect way, he will bring me back to the place where my heart longs to be. I can rest in God during this season of waiting and be confident that God is always working things out for my good.
While I'm Waiting 