Well, today did not go how I planned it to go, and that’s okay.
Something happened today. My eye’s are wet and stinging from crying so much again. I’m not sure yet what it all means, but I do know one thing. This is something to praise God for and I just need to write about it and share this praise with you all and give God the glory.
I woke up today, groggy, tired, and sore from skiing all day yesterday with friends (which was so fun, by the way). Even though it may have been a bit of a struggle to wake up, I was so happy to be off to church to worship today.
It’s been a full year now since I walked away from the relationship and it has been a hard road, but God has been with me every step of the way. My walk with God has grown so much in this year. For the first time I’ve found community and a good solid group of Christian girls to surround myself with. I love my church, and I’ve truly found myself overwhelmed with just feeling happy and content with all these new blessings God has brought into my life.
And today, God blessed me with a little glimpse into how God has also been working in his life in this past year
While driving home from church I got a text from a friend that something happened in his life today. He shared his testimony and was baptized today at his church. The church we used to attend together.
So today I found myself in my room again, the tears again coming down my face. But they were good tears. After watching his testimony I cried. I heard him say things I have always yearned and prayed for him to say. But he was saying those now, after I’ve been completely out of the picture.
He stood in front of the church, and he shared how he was a sinner, how he was lost and deceived by his sin. He shared how he thought he could make it on his own, but now realized how much he needs God. He shared how God had pursued him and somehow held him near through all his mistakes. It truly was a sincere and special testimony as he shared about how much he messed up but also how much he needed God. God used all of it, all the pain, to bring him to see his need.
Today, I want to praise the Lord for this work that is being done in his life! And that this work is being done in his life while I’ve been out of his life. God is getting all the glory!
As I listened to his testimony I couldn’t help but think of the story of the lost sheep that Jesus tells in Matthew 18. Jesus, our good shepherd leaves the ninety-nine, to pursue that one sheep. But not only does he pursue that sheep until it’s found, all of heaven rejoices when it is found.
I can’t help but be filled with joy when I think of all heaven rejoicing now as he is found. I have this beautiful picture in my head of how God has pursued him and now all of heaven is rejoicing over him.
“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish”Matthew 18:12-14
I may have cried many tears, but today has been a joyful day, because I got to see that God truly has been working in his life! The joy of seeing a sinner turn from sin and turn to God is the sweetest joy, but how much sweeter when it’s one your hearts cares for so deeply.
But Today has also brought on a lot of feelings and questions that don’t have answers yet. I prayed a lot today, which looked more like walking in silence and letting God listen to my heart because I couldn’t form any words. The deep feelings I have for him are still really real and this entire year has been full of constant surrendering of them to God.
At the end of the day, my resolve is this; that all I can do now is to keep waiting. I don’t know what God’s plan is, and yes, I’m hopeful as I wait to see what God will do and where he will lead, but I’m also determined to follow God and seek wisdom, and right now this still means to wait and trust God.
So that’s where I am now. Nothing has changed. I’m still not talking to him in any form. I’m taking this life one day day at a time and enjoying each of the little blessings God has given me now in this season. But now I can also praise God for this beautiful work he’s done in a sinners life! I can praise God for getting to see this little glimpse into the purpose behind all the pain. I am praising God simply because God gets all the glory!
And that’s all I wanted to hop on here and share with you all today. To simply share with you this little update and ask you to praise the Lord with me for this work he Has done in his life and also to pray for me, that I might keep my focus on God as I seek wisdom in this waiting.