I Am Joseph

What is the right response to suffering?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately and God has been so gracious each time my heart has a question like this one to guide me to the right answer and example in scripture. In my Bible study, we are still working our way through Genesis. I’ve talked about Abraham, Job, Jacob, and even David on this blog. Are you ready for the next Bible character that I’m finding myself in. If you know your bible, you may be able to guess which one comes next. It’s Joseph! And oh boy, what an amazing story is Joseph’s story. It’s a story full of unfair and unjust suffering, but one that is overflowing with God’s goodness and good purposes!

I’m not gonna lie to you, I’ve kinda created a new little saying that I keep telling myself each day. I’ve been saying “I am Joseph”. As I read the story of Joseph and look at my life, I keep finding myself saying “I am Joseph”. In my Bible study, we were discussing the life of Joseph and the sudden onset of suffering he faced. Joseph went from being the most favored/spoiled child to becoming a slave all in less than a day. I was thinking to myself, “wow, I wonder what it must have felt like to have everything and then lose everything”. Then I literally felt like I had my eyes opened up to the fact that, that is my story. I saw an almost identical pattern in a way my life has been these past few months. Only months ago I was so happy. I was finally on the verge of all my dreams coming true. I was engaged and in the process of starting a life with someone and oh it was bliss. But then it ended so fast. One thing after another came to light and before i knew it, it was all gone.

I AM JOSEPH. I can feel the same hurt and pain and disappointment that he must have felt. All his dreams, gone. All his family and friends gone. His life suddenly taking a completely different route and an unwanted move to a new location. (Okay, wow, there really are a lot of similarities here, granted I still have my family and friends, but I moved to a new area and have been struggling to get connected so I do relate in a way to the loneliness and I do in a way also feel like I lost a family because how close I became to his family).

There really is not a lot of good happening in Joseph’s story, but if you keep reading the story of Joseph there is something very encouraging. It is said at least three times in the book of Genesis that God was with Joseph. In each season of suffering Joseph faced, Joseph had every right to complain and despair. Maybe he did at times, but the Bible never mentions it. Instead Joseph rose to the top of every situation he found himself in. He was greatly blessed and God gave him success in all he did. Even as a slave Joseph rose to high favor. And let me tell you something, you cannot rise to favor if all you ever do is complain about how bad your luck has been.

I imagine Joseph must have known that God was with him. How else could he have had the faith to keep on going without despairing. His pain had to have been great. And I’m not saying he no longer felt the pain and hurt that his brothers inflicted on him. Later in Genesis Joseph says “God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” So obviously, his pain during this time was constantly on his mind. But what Joseph shows us here is how to rightly respond when suffering happens and we have no control over it. We must get up and keep going. We have the choice to either wallow in our self pity and despair, or make the best out of whatever situation we find ourselves in. I’ve gotta believe that when we choose the latter, God truly blesses it, just like he blesses Joseph.

God blessed Joseph and gave him favor in each place he found himself in. In Potiphar’s house, he rose to leadership. In prison, he rose to leadership. Then, lastly, in Pharaoh’s kingdom, he rose to leadership. None of these places Joseph found himself in were places he wanted to be. In fact, if he had the choice to go back to his family, I’m sure he would take it without even looking back. I can tell you that there are definitely times in my life that I wish I could just go back to those happy days and forget about the pain. But I have no control over the place I’m in right now which is why Joseph’s story has been so encouraging to me. I’m learning from Joseph’s story that God’s will for me in this season is to keep on trusting Him and to find ways to keep on serving Him even while I’m hurting.

I also want to talk a bit about the end of Joseph’s story. As I’m sure you are familiar with how in the story of Joseph we get to see how all his suffering would one day make sense and play a role in God’s amazing plan. God used Joseph to be the means of saving many nations, including Israel, from a devastating famine. Joseph became a great leader in Egypt, a wise man who was full of integrity. But if he became a ruler in Egypt right away without first spending years as a slave and in prison, I don’t believe he’d be the same ruler. God was using the hard seasons of suffering in his life to teach him how to be humble and also how to lead and manage other people. When God’s time was right, Joseph was given one of the most coveted positions in all Egypt. Truly, Joseph was finally able to say that God had taken all his sorrow away.

I think that it’s so encouraging to see how God was using Joseph’s suffering to position him in the right place at the right time to bring provision to God’s people. God was preparing Joseph for something greater. And that is what God is doing when we suffer! God is preparing us for something bigger, better, and greater. God is using all the suffering in our life for his good purposes. Often times, like Joseph, we can’t see the whole picture of what God is doing while we are in the middle of it. Maybe all we see is the pain and unending waiting. But we can hold onto the truth that God is going to work all things out our for good and God will be with us, as He was with Joseph.

So yes, I am Joseph! And maybe as you look at your life, you are Joseph too. Maybe God has brought sudden or unjust suffering into your life. The big question to ask yourself then is “what is my response?” Remember, it’s okay to feel hurt and pain. In fact, if you don’t feel any pain as you suffer I’d be worried that something is wrong with you. What really matters the most is what you do with the hurt? Do you dwell on it and let it lead you to despair. Or do you get up and keep on chasing after God and serving him in the place your at, trusting that God is going to do something great through it.

Let us hold onto the truth that God is always with us through every trial we face. Every season of suffering has a purpose that we may not be able to see until the time is right. But we can know this, God is taking us down these hard paths because he wants to prepare us and make us into something greater! God’s purposes for your life are so much greater than whatever it is you have lost, so let’s be like Joseph and keep on suffering well in this life!

Perspective

Do you need a perspective change?

The past week was harder for me for some reason. I had many emotional days. All I wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. Multiple times I did just that. And I was feeling so good the week before. I was finding more joy in the simple things and not finding myself as sad. So why did I all of a sudden take a few steps back into despair and start feeling sad again?

I think I have figured some of it out. On Sunday it all made sense to me. After worshipping the Lord on Sunday and spending time praying and journaling, I realized a sudden change in my attitude. Nothing changed in my circumstances, but I suddenly felt more joy and I had a peace that I didn’t have before. What did I do that made me start feeling better? I simply stopped thinking about me and started thinking more about God.

I’m actually a bit ashamed at how me-focused I let myself become the past week. I didn’t feel good and I missed him so much. I know that it is normal for me to have these feelings and I know that I’m not going to ever stop missing him. But I was letting myself narrow in only on how I felt. I was focusing on my feelings and my hurt so much that I found myself paralyzed by the pain. I was no longer able to see the bigger picture or God’s promises to me.

That wasn’t a fun place to be. I’m so thankful that Sunday came along. On Sunday, worshiping brought the blinders of my eyes and I saw again of God’s goodness to me. It was refreshing for my weary soul to focus on God and being able to find rest in God. For the first time in a while, God’s joy returned to me.

This experience reminds me that when I focus on myself and my troubles, that is all I will see. When I ignore God’s goodness and choose to give into my worries and fears, I find myself trapped in a cycle of damaging emotions. I need a perspective change in order to be set free. I need to be living my life with eye’s that are focused on God. When I look to God, the hurt is still there, but I can finally see it in its proper perspective. I see how my pain is nothing compared to God’s goodness towards me. I see that God loves me so much and has good things instore for me. I see that God is going to work all things out for His good.

Where in your life do you need a perspective change? When you begin to feel overwhelmed, stop and look to see where your focus is. Is it on you or on God? It’s amazing how the simple act of shifting our focus back to God can encourage and return us back to joy. As we go through life, looking to God is the only cue to our hurting and weary soul. We need less of us and more of God.

He must become greater; I must become less.

John 3:30

Also before I end this post, one last little tip I’m learning that really helps get the focus back on God is listening to worship music. To often I just let my playlist play. It will play christian songs and some songs that aren’t christian. But when I start playing worship songs in the car and while I’m working it helps my heart stay focused on God. So try jamming to praise music when your feeling down and see where it takes you 😉

Somedays

Somedays hurt more than others

Somedays I just want to lie in bed a forget about everything. Forget about how lonely I am. Forget about all the memories that are no longer a part of my life. But how can I forget all these memories when I still want to have them.

Somedays I wonder how I can feel so happy and full of hope one day and then the next depression hits me. I miss him everyday, but today I miss him more for some reason. Nothing triggered it. I just miss him. And all I want to do is lie on my bed and dream about the past and make up a new future.

I don’t know what good this does to me. But I do know that somedays the hurt is too much and I can’t make myself do anything else. And those days are okay. Those days are a part of life. Those are the days I need to cry out to God for strength. Those are the days that I learn to truly rest in my Savior’s arms.

Today has been one of those days.

The only thing that is getting me through today is the promises I know God has for me. I came across this letter I wrote to myself from God two years ago, on February 5, 2019. It speaks to my heart today and gives me the strength I need to get up and out of my bed. How did I know two years ago that this letter I wrote would still be speaking to my heart today.

My Child,

I can see that you are confused.  I don’t give you the things you ask for because I have something better for you.  You can’t see the whole picture yet.  There are some things I am doing that you won’t understand in your life.  But you can know that I am always working for your good.  My plans are always for you because I love you.  One day it will all make sense, but not yet.  I know all your heart’s desires and I want to give you more, in my perfect timing you will see.

Your Heavenly Father, God

Choosing to Rest

How important is rest?

I feel like I have been running nonstop. I desperately need a break but I just keep going. I’ve been busy, so busy, and I hate to admit it, but I’m finding that I’m getting addicted to this busyness. When I keep myself busy it numbs the pain. I don’t have time to think about how much my situation hurts and the wounds that are still bleeding inside of me. So staying busy has become my answer.

But last night, I felt tired, physically and spiritually worn out. I spent some time alone in my room journaling and enjoying the stillness. And I realized that I need things to change, I need stop this go, go, go mentality, I need to take a break and slow down. When I am busy, I forget to spend time with the Lord. I begin to create habits of ignoring God in the still moments of my day because of the fear that in those moments I will also awaken more hurt. To be honest, now that I write it out, I am actually quite ashamed that I have let myself get so busy that I don’t seek out God’s voice like I was doing about a month ago.

I’ll be the first one to tell you that staying busy is good. When your heart is heavy and hurting it is not good to lie around doing nothing. Staying busy has been my therapy and it keeps my mind focused on moving on and off of the past. There is even a proverbs about how idle hands breed trouble. But being busy can also be dangerous if we don’t balance it out with rest. If we don’t have the proper mix of resting in the Lord and being still and quiet then it won’t be long before we begin to feel overwhelmed.

Why is rest important? Rest is important because rest is how we recharge and refocus our lives on God. It is in the times when we are quiet and still that God speaks to us and tells us what his will is for us. Rest keeps us on track with God’s plan for our lives. Sometimes we need physical rest from the weight of the world and other times we need spiritual rest. Spiritual rest can be found when we take the time to slow down, read God’s word, talk to God, and seek his presence in the stillness.

I have decided that even though I often don’t want to, I need to make an effort each day to spend time in quiet with God. Even if it’s as simple as spending ten minutes of quiet with God in the morning before my day starts, or quietly journaling before going to bed. It may even be going on a long peaceful walk and talking to God as I walk. Having these habits of rest in my day will help me to stay focused on God and keep me from getting burned out.

I will admit to you all that I’m not looking forward to the pain that I know will come back when I slow down. But the only way to heal is by giving that hurt to Jesus and I can’t give it to him until I learn to truly rest in his presence every day. So here’s to making rest a priority in my life again. To slowing down and taking moments in my busy life to seek God’s presence in the stillness.

Better

It’s ok not to be ok

It’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to feel the way I feel right now. It’s okay to miss him. I don’t know why I keep telling myself I have to be strong, I have to put on a smile and act like everything is ok. Because everything isn’t ok. I cried again today, the first time in a couple of days and it felt good. It felt good to let the pain back in and let the memories return. It felt real.

Things have to get worse before they get better, right? I know the pain I’m in now won’t last forever, but some days it feels like it will never leave. When I watch everyone around me living their life and getting blessing after blessing, I can’t help but be sad. Maybe even a little upset. Oh my heart cries; What about me God? Did you forget about me? Do you still care about me and my life? Why did you take all these things away from me? It hurts, oh it hurts so much to see others receiving the good things from God that I desperately desire.

I’m scared to hope, scared to think about the future. I don’t know what God is doing and even though I know he is doing something great and good in my life, it’s hard. But I hold onto the fact that God is faithful. No matter how hard this path may be, it’s the path I’m supposed to be on and it’ll get better. This pain won’t last forever.

I heard this song today for the first time on the playlist I had on. It was so encouraging to my hurting heart. I guess I just like the idea right now that things are gonna get better. There is hope, change does happen, and God is always going to be with me.

It’s ok if you’re not ok
It’s not gonna end this way
Today is the day to change
It’s the time, it’s the place

All that you’ve locked inside
Is ready to come alive
Embrace your great design
Now’s the time, lift your eyes

I don’t have to fear ’cause I trust his love
I know where my help, where my help comes from

It’s gonna get better
It’s gonna get better

There is no mistake I could ever make
That you’d let erase all you’ve done for me

The longer I live I see
Not a past that you can’t redeem
I know my identity
Failures won’t define me

I don’t have to fear ’cause I trust his love
I know where my help, where my help comes from

I’ve walked through the valley, the shadow
I’m ready for all you have for me
All you have for me
No matter where you lead as long as you’re with me
I’m where I need to be

It’s gonna get better

Counted Worthy

I have been thinking a lot about the story of Job.

The story of Job is right in the middle of the Bible. It’s one of the most interesting stories in the Bible because in it we get to see behind the scenes where Satan is talking to God and this helps us understand why we go through trials. If you haven’t read the story of Job, I recommend reading it, just for curiosity sake. It’ll intrigue you.

The book of Job begins with telling us all about Job and how he was blessed beyond imagination. And he also was a man who loved and obeyed God. But then the story gets interesting as we get to see how Satan comes to God and has a request to make about Job;

One day the angels[a] came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan[b] also came with them. The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?”
Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it.”
Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”
“Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. 10 “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”
12 The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” (Job 1:6-12)

Wow, Satan has noticed Jobs faith and obedience to God and Satan is so bold to say that Job only worships God so devotedly because of all the ways God has blessed him. It is a honest assumption. I could look at Jobs life and make a similar conclusion. What’s amazing is that God actually lets Satan take everything away from Job. If you keep reading you will see how one by one, Job loses everything. All his possessions and all his children, gone. And then we get to see Jobs amazing and humble response. His response to all of these hardships is;

20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
    and naked I will depart.[c]
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
    may the name of the Lord be praised.”
22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. (Job 1:20-22)

To lose everything and still be praising God, now that is a faith to aspire too. It didn’t make Satan happy. Satan went right back to God with another request. This time he asked to take away Job’s health and inflict him with diseases. And God allowed it again! Job lost his health and he became very sick with sores and boils all over his skin. Job’s own wife and his friends were even telling him to curse God. But this was his response;

His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!”
10 He replied, “You are talking like a foolish[b] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”
In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. (Job 2:9-10)

Again, I am just overwhelmed at how Job is able to still praise God and glorify God when he lost everything. Job was a righteous man. He didn’t sin or do anything that caused him to lose all these things. He wasn’t suffering because of the consequences of sin or his choices. Job was never told the reason why God allowed him to be afflicted with so much suffering. I can’t imagine what thoughts and feelings must have been going through Jobs head. He trusted and followed God all his life and this is what God dealt him. This must have been very discouraging. Yet Job didn’t complain, he still praised God and refused to despair at his unfortunate circumstances.

What is my sufferings compared to the suffering of Job. My heartache is small and insignificant to losing everything. Yet I can’t say that my natural response has been to praise God. Like Job, I feel as if I have done all that I could to follow God and obey God. It’s always been my hearts desire to please God. I didn’t sin or do anything to deserve the pain in my life right now. I have cried out to God and asked him why. Why did he do this to me when I all I wanted to do was follow him? The biggest question that has been on my mind with my life right now is why God would let me get so close to my hearts desire and give me all these good things, like a new family whom I love dearly and a new home that I was beginning to make my own, just to take them all away. I don’t know the answer.

But like Job, I know that God truly is the one who gives and takes away. God is the one calling all the shots and He doesn’t always tell us why he does things or allows us to walk through the fire. And like Job’s story, suffering and pain is not always a result of us sinning, it happens to the most blameless of people. I think that suffering often happens to those whose faith in God is great because God wants to test their faith and show to the world how great their love and devotion is. This is what he did with Job. God knew Job was strong enough to lose everything and still praise Him. God knew that Job would be faithful to him even when his friends urged him to curse God and die. God wanted to make a spectacle of Jobs great faith for everyone to see and also to kick Satan in the back. God looked down and he counted Job worthy enough to walk through the fire. Worthy enough to suffer for the cause of God’s plan.

I can’t help but wonder, is this what God is doing with my life? When I suffer things and lose things simply because I am choosing to follow God, is it because God is counting me worthy? Have I been counted worthy enough by God to walk through the all trials he has put before me? Maybe God has given me greater pain and heartache because he knows I can take it and I can still praise him through it, like Job did. Is there a similar scene going on in heaven, with Satan and God when it comes to my life? I can’t help but get this feeling like God is using this in my life to be a spectacle to those around me, to those watching. As I walk through the fire, God is my strength, and as others are watching they will see my faith. Oh what an amazing perspective this is to have! I suffer because God has counted me worthy! I can lift up praises to my God even though my heart aches because oh what joy it gives my heart to know that God looked down and saw that I was worthy enough to walk through this hard season of waiting. This is the reason why I can praise my God during this confusing and painful time in my life!

But there also one more aspect to Jobs story that should be added before I finish. If you jump to the end of the book of Job you will get to see how God restores all of the things Job lost, and God restored it back twice as before;

the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the Lord had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver a and a gold ring.
12The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.  (Job 42:10-12)

God never does tell Job why he went through all those trials. But after Job remained faithful to God during the hard times, God gave everything back. Just like with Job, God doesn’t tell us the why behind every trial we go through. But God promises to be with us and promises to never take us through something we can’t bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). And I also believe that just like Job, when we are faithful to God during these hard times, God will bless us beyond our imagination at the end. Even if those blessings don’t come until we are in heaven one day, it’ll be worth it. Because to be counted worthy to endure suffering and pain for following God is a reward enough in itself.

If you are enduring any form of suffering or trial, I pray that this story in the Bible can encourage your heart as much as it does mine. It is a reminder to keep on praising God, to keep on choosing God, because God is using this pain in your life for his own purposes. Even if God never tells us ‘the why’ behind the things that take place in our life, we can trust that His ways are always best. Keep on following and walking with God through your hard seasons and know that you will be blessed beyond imagining when you get to the end. Rejoice that God has counted you worthy to walk through the fire and suffer so that He might be glorified through your example.

Lastly, I again want encourage you to read the story of Job and let the story of Job’s faith encourage you. And I wanted to share my favorite verse from Job. This verse is such an encouragement to my heart that God’s ways are always best and we can trust God even when we don’t understand what He’s doing.

I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

Job 42:2

One Day at a Time

What do you do when you don’t want to do anything?

When getting out of bed is hard. When the days are so long and all you want to do is forget. Forget about all the memories that just remind you of everything you don’t have anymore. When the thoughts of how to move on are so strong that you feel crushed and unable to move.

I’m sure you know pain. Maybe not the same pain I’m experiencing, but it’s some sort of pain. Maybe your pain is harder. Who am I to complain about my broken heart when I think of what you might be going through. Maybe you’ve lost someone you love and they are never coming back. Maybe you are faced with a life-threatening illness with only days to live. Maybe, like me, you have a broken heart and nothing seems to make sense anymore. I realize that I have so much to be thankful for, but right now, I just want to do nothing and sometimes I just want to cry. Whatever it is that you are going through, if you feel that way, that’s okay. It’s okay to have these days. But here’s a little something that has helped me to get through each day.

Learn to take it one day at a time.

I find that I get the most overwhelmed and scared when I let my mind think too far into the future. I think about all the ways my life is changed and how it’s no longer going where I had wanted it to go. And then if I look to the past I find regret, shame, and sadness and those feelings don’t help much either. But when I look to God and focus on just the day ahead of me I find that I am able to make it. I am still scared of the unknown road ahead of me, but I can commit to making it through one day.

And that one day will turn into two days, then three days, then four… before you know it you will be feeling less of the hurt. New doors will open and new opportunities will come. God will reveal his plan for you and fill you with his joy while you keep on following Him. And it began with you simply taking it just one day at a time. So whatever you’re facing, can you commit to just taking it one day at a time? Commit to following your sweet Saviour today, and don’t worry about tomorrow. You can worry about tomorrow when it comes.

This is what I’m going to do. Take it one day at a time.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

Surrender

What does true surrender look like?

It looks like tears falling down your face. It looks like standing at a crossroads, knowing only one way is the right path to take. It looks like defeat. But it is not defeat. It is something beautiful. It is letting go of the things we hold onto so tightly and giving them to God. It is saying that what we want is not as important as what God has for us. It’s opening up the door for God to lead us to what’s next.

I wonder sometimes if I’ll ever be done learning my lesson of surrender. I’ve always partially surrendered things to God. I’ve said that I love God more but I only would walk away if I had too. I see now that it never really was surrender because I was still holding tightly onto what I wanted. I was saying I was surrendering while being ready to jump back as soon as God gave me the slightest sign.

But today I found myself at a crossroads. I had a choice to make. Two obvious choices were before me. Never in my life have I felt so torn between such a choice. One choice would keep me closer to the thing my heart desired most, holding onto my relationship. The other choice felt like a leap of faith because it took me away from that hope. Today an opportunity to stay do what I wanted most was placed right in my lap. All I had to do was say yes and I could keep holding on tightly to the thing I wanted most. But when I checked my heart something wasn’t right.

I have never before felt such strong resistance between making a decision then I felt today. I have been fighting to have my way but deep down I had this gut feeling about what was right. After much distress in my soul and prodding question from a dear friend I went on a walk to clear my head. I cried most of the way. I had a “hard” conversation with God. I begged him to speak to me and show me what to do. I even sat down and waited, hoping to hear a physical voice speak to me and tell me what to do. I didn’t hear anything. Probably because I already knew what God was asking me to do. The rebellious spirit in me just wouldn’t stop fighting.

I know that today was a defining moment in my life. I came back from that walk with a heart that was decided on what to do. I made a choice. I chose to choose the path of faith. The path of surrender. I gave the outcome of this relationship to God and I will leave it in his hands. Then I cried in my closet.

I wish I could tell you that once you surrender to God, the pain will all finally go away. I’m sorry, but it won’t. I’m still hurting immensely. I am choosing the path that is hard and everything that is within in me is screaming to go the other way. But I can tell you that surrender does bring peace. I know that if I chose the other way, I would never have peace. I would not be truly trusting God to work in this area of my life. There is much pain in my heart still, but it’s okay. It’s alright because I know God is with me.

I’m overwhelmed when I think about the possibilities that this choice may lead to and the hard days to come. But today I made the choice to surrender and that’s where I’ll start. I’ll take it one day at a time and follow God in this life because I know that in life that is what matters most. Living a life completely surrendered to God is what I am called to do.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

Disappointment

Oh the amazing amount of feelings that you can experience simply by one thing being changed.

When we have our hopes set on something we really want it is crushing to the soul when we don’t get it. Disappointment leads to hurt, sadness, and I’m learning it can even lead to anger.

I don’t like disappointment but I sadly have no control over the things that happen. I wish I could close my eyes and make all the feelings go away. And sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change things. I wish I saw the signs and got help sooner instead of letting things fall apart in such a messy way. I wish with all my heart I could still have my plans come true and just forget about the disappointments.

To be honest though, the truth is I like soaking into the feelings of hurt and pain. Feeling pity for myself feels oddly good. But in the end I just need to get up and keep going. Keep hoping, keep praying, keep moving, because I know God is working.

I think disappointment likes to tell us that we made a mistake, we failed in some way, so we don’t get what we want. It tells us that we must now wait longer to get what we want. The bottom line is disappointment is an unwanted request from God to wait. Waiting is the last thing we want to do, right? We want what we want when we want it. But without disappointments in life I don’t think we’d be able to learn about how beautiful the virtue of patience is or how sweet the act of surrendering can be.

I may be preaching to myself mostly here. I need to not be discouraged about the huge disappointment life has thrown me so writing about this has helped. But whatever disappointment your facing in you life, I’ll be the first to join you and say disappointment sucks and waiting is no fun. But I also will say that it has a reason. Even though we may not see it, there’s a reason from God for every disappointment, unmet desire, or canceled plan. We just have to keep moving on and keep trusting God.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11