Posted on by Sydney Rose

A Praise and A Prayer

Well, today did not go how I planned it to go, and that’s okay.

Something happened today. My eye’s are wet and stinging from crying so much again. I’m not sure yet what it all means, but I do know one thing. This is something to praise God for and I just need to write about it and share this praise with you all and give God the glory.

I woke up today, groggy, tired, and sore from skiing all day yesterday with friends (which was so fun, by the way). Even though it may have been a bit of a struggle to wake up, I was so happy to be off to church to worship today.

It’s been a full year now since I walked away from the relationship and it has been a hard road, but God has been with me every step of the way. My walk with God has grown so much in this year. For the first time I’ve found community and a good solid group of Christian girls to surround myself with. I love my church, and I’ve truly found myself overwhelmed with just feeling happy and content with all these new blessings God has brought into my life.

And today, God blessed me with a little glimpse into how God has also been working in his life in this past year

While driving home from church I got a text from a friend that something happened in his life today. He shared his testimony and was baptized today at his church. The church we used to attend together.

So today I found myself in my room again, the tears again coming down my face. But they were good tears. After watching his testimony I cried. I heard him say things I have always yearned and prayed for him to say. But he was saying those now, after I’ve been completely out of the picture.

He stood in front of the church, and he shared how he was a sinner, how he was lost and deceived by his sin. He shared how he thought he could make it on his own, but now realized how much he needs God. He shared how God had pursued him and somehow held him near through all his mistakes. It truly was a sincere and special testimony as he shared about how much he messed up but also how much he needed God. God used all of it, all the pain, to bring him to see his need.

Today, I want to praise the Lord for this work that is being done in his life! And that this work is being done in his life while I’ve been out of his life. God is getting all the glory!

As I listened to his testimony I couldn’t help but think of the story of the lost sheep that Jesus tells in Matthew 18. Jesus, our good shepherd leaves the ninety-nine, to pursue that one sheep. But not only does he pursue that sheep until it’s found, all of heaven rejoices when it is found.

I can’t help but be filled with joy when I think of all heaven rejoicing now as he is found. I have this beautiful picture in my head of how God has pursued him and now all of heaven is rejoicing over him.

“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish”

Matthew 18:12-14

I may have cried many tears, but today has been a joyful day, because I got to see that God truly has been working in his life! The joy of seeing a sinner turn from sin and turn to God is the sweetest joy, but how much sweeter when it’s one your hearts cares for so deeply.

But Today has also brought on a lot of feelings and questions that don’t have answers yet. I prayed a lot today, which looked more like walking in silence and letting God listen to my heart because I couldn’t form any words. The deep feelings I have for him are still really real and this entire year has been full of constant surrendering of them to God.

At the end of the day, my resolve is this; that all I can do now is to keep waiting. I don’t know what God’s plan is, and yes, I’m hopeful as I wait to see what God will do and where he will lead, but I’m also determined to follow God and seek wisdom, and right now this still means to wait and trust God.

So that’s where I am now. Nothing has changed. I’m still not talking to him in any form. I’m taking this life one day day at a time and enjoying each of the little blessings God has given me now in this season. But now I can also praise God for this beautiful work he’s done in a sinners life! I can praise God for getting to see this little glimpse into the purpose behind all the pain. I am praising God simply because God gets all the glory!

And that’s all I wanted to hop on here and share with you all today. To simply share with you this little update and ask you to praise the Lord with me for this work he Has done in his life and also to pray for me, that I might keep my focus on God as I seek wisdom in this waiting.

Posted on by Sydney Rose

Looking Back

It’s 2022! What happened to the time!  Where did it all go! 

I can’t believe we are here again at the start of a new year. I wish I could tell you I am confidently going into this new year with purpose and direction.  This is not been the case for me.  But to be honest with you all, I don’t have any clear ideas or directions for this year.  I’ve been struggling with feeling directionless and unsure about this new year. And, again, to keep being honest with you all, I keep thinking about where I was last year and where I was hoping I’d be by the end of this year.

A lot happened right at the beginning of my 2021 and it feels like it has taken me this entire year and more just to recover. But I know this one thing, and I hold onto it dearly; that God is faithful.  Even though my year didn’t go as planned it was not wasted. God has shown me that even when I don’t have direction, He is with me still and leading me in the day by day. 

Seasons of uncertainty are still seasons of growth.  This is definitely something I’ve been seeing ring true in my life.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 1:6

I’ve been seeing everyone posting their resolutions and plans for 2022. I’m not in the mood the create some “on-the-spot” resolution, so I figured today it would be a nice change to look back on the year that is past and all the ways God has been with me and guiding me. 

January 

January… The month my world felt like it had ended. I think can truthfully say that I’m not lying when I say that this was the hardest month of my life. When I had to walk through the raw pain of heartbreak.  I remember the days leading up to the break-up. I felt like I was walking on a tight rope, convincing myself things were going to work out if we kept the balancing game up just a little longer. I was happily planning our wedding and being in love was bliss, but there was a dark shadow that was slowly beginning to show. I was slowly discovering my perfect dream was actually a lie and when the pieces all finally started to come together it was shattering. January was the month I officially ended the relationship and returned the ring and that’s all the reminiscing I want to do about that hard day.

But I also want to say that in the midst of my greatest heartache, God was with me. God met me in new ways and comforted my heart during the early stages of my hurt. I remember having an overwhelming peace as I began walking the long road towards healing.

February 

February came with lots of change which was soothing to my hurting heart. The month started with a trip to Arizona to visit my grandparents for a few days. Then, as soon as I flew back to California I moved with my family from Sacramento to Redding. The last change that began in February was starting a new job (preschool teacher/aid at a headstart).

Looking back now, it makes me smile to think how God was caring for me during the early stages of my broken heart. Distance and busyness is what I needed to keep my heart from falling into despair and that is what God brought into my life.

March 

March was filled with the exciting adventure of exploring a new town! I visited all the coffee shops in Redding and picked out a few to become a regular at. I drove around exploring my “new” town and got lost more times than I can count. March was also full of many hikes exploring all the beautiful waterfalls and mountains that are pretty much in our backyard up here! I may or may not have also jumped into an icy cold river for a polar plunge challenge…

I also began to see my faith growing in great ways as I continued seeking God with my hurt heart. With a heart that was still hurting, my dependency on God grew. I learned more and more to find my source of comfort in God and daily surrender to Him.

April

 In April I made my first trip back down to the Sacramento area to visit a few friends and go rafting on the American River again. Then towards the end of April I traveled back down to the Sacramento area to work a week at my camp’s living history program.

Time was doing it’s work on my heart and I was starting to feel the healing happening in my heart. I began writing more and more about God and I even started a new blog and Instagram account to encourage others – More of Thee Co. Inside my soul was a growing passion to live for God and share God’s truth.

May 

May was filled with more hikes and exploring the beautiful mountains. The highlight of May was hiking Caslt Crags with my Dad. In May I also chopped my hair the shortest I’ve ever gone, along with adding highlights. It took me awhile to get used to my new summer look, lol

In May my preschool job came to an end and I prayerfully began looking for a summer job to keep me busy. May ended with one more trip down to Sacramento to work at my camp. This was a very hard trip for me and it triggered a lot of hard feelings. But God comforted my heart like only He can. God gave my hurting heart a verse in Ecclesiastes to hold onto and a message of encouragement from the group I was serving.

June

In June I began a new job working at the local rock climbing gym during their summer camps. I also drove down again to Sacramento to work a week at my camp. It was a week full of cooking, rafting, rock climbing, and more rafting! I also learned that Redding summers are no joke and the heat is insane. I invested in a new toy to help me stay cool – A paddleboard!

July

Probably my favorite month and busiest month of 2021. July started with an epic backpacking trip with my Dad in the Trinities. We hiked a total of 28 miles in three days and camped at a beautiful meadow. We saw many deer, one rattlesnake, and three bears (only one of the bear sightings was a close encounter).

I also balanced my new summer job at the rock climbing gym with driving down to the Sacramento area to work at my camp again. And then in the middle of all of that back and forth driving I flew to Florida to visit my sister and go to the Epcot center (not to mention a car issue happening right in the middle of all of that craziness). Last but not least, and right after getting home from Florida, July ended with my church’s family camp.

The trip to Florida and all the sweet times I had with my sister is a trip I’ll always remember. God used my sister to encourage my hurting heart and all the laughs we shared were good medicine to my soul.

It was also during July that God began reminding me of the simple truth that He is my shepherd. So many times I found myself feeling lost and I kept crying out to God for direction. God kept bringing the idea and message of Him being a shepherd to my heart and it gave me so much peace. I read Psalm 23 while sitting in the beautiful lush green meadow we camped at. And then our church’s family camp theme was the Lord as our shepherd. God was so good to me.

August

In August I drove up to Oregon for a week to volunteer at a Joni and Freinds Family camp. This was my first time volunteering at a camp other than my camp in the Sacramento area. It was an experience I’ll always treasure. I met new friends and served God alongside other Christians. God’s love was displayed in so many amazing ways at this camp and I felt God’s power and presence was very present at this camp as we served all the families affected by disabilities.

September

September began with one last adventure up to Oregon. We had a mini family vacation up in Sun River Oregon. My family and I hiked, biked, and paddle boarded up in the beautiful area near Bend. The rest of September was bittersweet as summer was over again. Many things came to an end but many new things also started. In September my family finally caught Covid and it ran its course through the house. Covid for me was mild. I was out sick and exhausted for few weeks but in the long run thankful to finally have Covid over with.

I did not return to my preschool job in the fall and instead, I continued working part-time at the rock climbing gym. I also began leading a bible study for the first time. Being the leader of a group has been a humbling and growing experience for me in so many ways. I’m so humbled and thankful for God calling me to this new way to serve Him.

October

October was full of once again searching for direction and crying out to God for answers. A growing interest in rekindling an old passion for sewing was beginning to grow in me. I started working part-time at Joann fabric while I began planning my own sewing business on the side (My sewing shop on Etsy is officially up and running now and it’s called – RosenThreads).

November

In November I turned 26 and once again had to grapple with the idea that I’m not living my life according to my timetable, but God’s. And that God’s plans for me are always better, even when I don’t know yet what Hes’ doing. My family played mini golf for my birthday and I finally did something I’ve always wanted to do; buy huge number balloons for your age and take pictures with them.

We had a simple thanksgiving and I survived working my first black Friday in retail. November ended with my sister and brother arriving home after their time Flordia proved to not be successful.

December

December was full of Holiday fun and hard feelings resurfacing again. The Holiday fun included driving up to the forest and finding a tree, Going to a very impressive lighted garden tour in our town, and my sister and I driving down to Sacramento to visit a bunch of our dear friends before Christmas. But amidst all the business of the season, my heart was hurting a bit more than normal. This was a hard Christmas season for my healing heart. The highlight of this month was our Church’s Christmas eve Service and singing Christmas hymns. Singing worships songs to God has truly been the only way I’ve been able to completely escape all of the pain that still lingers in my soul and fully find Joy in God. During the Christmas Eve service, I was truly able to grasp the amazing beauty of Christmas and the gospel.

We had a very simple family Christmas, which was just what my soul needed. Then, on New Years Eve, to close out the year was drive up to Lassen National Park to see all the snow and go snowshoeing. The best way to end out the year in my opinion.

And there you go. There is the “kinda long” summary of my year. Though my heart still hurts at times, I’m grateful to be able to look back and see the progress. The pain comes and goes still, but it’s not constant anymore like it was at the beginning of the year. God has shown me so much and taken me to many new places this year that would never have happened if things went how I initially planned it to go at the beginning of 2021. But most importantly, looking back reminds me that God has been with me every step of the way and He will continue to be with me as I move forward into the New Year.

So here’s to 2022! Whatever God has for me, I want to be ready to follow.

Posted on by Sydney Rose

A New Endeavor

I am continuing to be constantly amazed and God’s leading in my life.

Each day I’m learning more and more about God and how to follow him. If you told me back then that all this change would be the result of God taking me through the hardest, emotional, trial, I probably wouldn’t believe you. I’d tell you, I’m good, my walk with God is good. But oh how much I didn’t know. I feel like my faith has been set ablaze. God is speaking things to me and I’m feeling his presence in ways I never imagined possible. It took this hard path, and a radical choice to obey, to be the spark that my faith needed to grow. Trials truly are sweet times to trust in God and grow in your faith. I can say from experience that God is truly is so near to those who are broken hearted.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

It took a broken heart for me to truly realize my deep desire to write. I began writing on this blog as a way to process and now I can’t stop writing. My head is constantly full of ideas and things I want to write about. I want to encourage others to read their Bible and seek after God during the storms of life. I want to share with the world that healing is always a part of God beautiful plan and that it’s coming for them. When the timing is right, I want to share my story, but I’m not ready to share all of it just yet because I know God’s still working. When the time is right I know that God will show me when the time is right. But right now I just want to write and write and write…but I also don’t know where to start when it comes to getting your writing out there into the world. Getting your writing out into the world has always scared me and confused me.

Over the past few months I have been doing a lot of searching for answers and determining the best route I to take. I have been beginning to feel strongly now that God is the one giving me this desire to share through writing and I know that he will make it clear which way to take. I have always had a passion for blog writing so I created a new blog to share my writing on. I have also been exploring the world of digital creating and digital lettering (soon after my break up I bought myself an ipad. I’ve always wanted to learn digital art and learning a new form art was a soothing way for my healing heart to stay busy). I have been sharing quite a bit of my digital art on this new blog.

If you have enjoyed following my story on this blog, don’t worry. Even though I created a new blog, this blog will still stay because I need it to write down parts of my story that I really don’t want to be super public about. I often refer to this blog as my personal blog and I think of it kinda like a diary. But my new blog is going to be focused on encouraging christians in their walk and I will be more active in advertising it. I plan on writing post’s that offer practical advice and encouragement for growing in your faith and walking through trials.

My new blog is called – More of Thee Co. I came up with this name because as I was seeking God through my hard times I kept finding in my heart a growing desire for more of Him. It is my prayer that More of Thee Co. will be a place to help and encourage others discover the same; a desire for more of God. I also have the desire to create resources and devotionals to sell on this site that are meant to help christians in their walk. A lot of the products I’m working on are still just ideas but I’ve been working hard to take steps towards making these ideas happen.

Also, I have created a new Instagram account to accompany my new blog. If you are on instagram, my instagram account is @more.of.thee.co I have been very active on this account and I try to post something each day.

To be honest with you all, I really don’t know where this new endeavor of mine is going, but my goal is to share God’s truth with this world and with that as my goal it’s impossible to fail. I think it’s crazy to think that if God didn’t bring me through this hard trial none of this would have happened. All this growth and closeness to God, this new level of faith, and this new found calling to write all came about because of the storm God took me through. I’m confident that God is going to keep on leading me and it’s a really exciting place to be right now!

(If you guys get a chance it would make my day if you check out my new blog! Here’s the link – https://moreoftheeco.com/ )